Back in my 20s, as a young financial adviser, I was technically strong.
I knew the numbers. I knew the structures. I could rattle off tax strategies and investment frameworks with my eyes closed.
Clients seemed to like me. They definitely seemed to trust me.
They’d say, "You're a good bloke, Ben - easy to talk to. You explain things in a way we can actually understand."
And don’t get me wrong — that felt good. I was a ‘nice’ bloke!
But something was missing.
Because for all the rapport and good vibes…
Things weren't changinglike they needed to.
Clients were nodding — but not taking action.
Families were talking — but not moving.
And I started to realise:
Being liked isn't the same as being effective.
I Had Rapport.
But I Didn’t Have Influence.
Here’s the truth I had to learn:
There’s a big difference between being liked and being respected.
And when you’re respected, you gain influence — the kind that gets people to follow you, even when it’s hard.
Influence is what turns conversations into action.
It’s what moves a family from “talking about it” to actually doing the work.
Anyone can be nice.
But not everyone can guide, align, and lead — especially when it’s uncomfortable.
And until I learnt how to do that, I was spinning my wheels… and wasting everyone’s time.
Influence Is a Skill.
And it’s one that changes everything.
The moment I started learning how to influence everything shifted.
I stopped being just another “nice bloke with good advice”…
And started becoming someone who could help families actually change their future.
And here’s where this hits home for you.
In a Family Business, Being Likes Isn't Enough.
Your family might think you’re a top bloke. A great gal.
Fun to have around. Easy to get along with.
But if you want to lead — truly lead — you need more than rapport.
You need influence.
You need the ability to call out the hard stuff with care.
You need the courage to speak the truth, ask the uncomfortable questions, and guide the conversation forward — without blowing the place up.
Because without that, families get stuck.
Everyone likes each other… but no one’s moving.
They’re paddling hard — but going in circles.
Sometimes, Influence Means Not Being Nice.
It means saying the thing no one wants to say.
Asking the question everyone’s avoiding.
Holding the line when it would be easier to keep the peace.
Because leadership isn’t about being liked — it’s about doing what’s right, even if it’s uncomfortable in the moment.
And I see this all the time in our High Performing Families community.
It’s one of the biggest muscles we help families build — influence rooted in trust, ot force.
Leadership Starts With Influence
If you want to become the kind of person who helps your family move forward…
Not because they have to.
But because they trust you.
Because they know you’ve got the clarity and backbone to guide them through what’s ahead…
Then influence is the key.
Influence is what separates the “good families” from the great ones.
The ones who get along… from the ones who go the distance.
So ask yourself:
Are you just being liked?
Or are you leading?
Until next time,
Cheers, Ben (not always the nice guy) Law
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Disclaimer: The information contained in this article is general in nature and for education purposes only. It is not financial advice. No one should act on the information without appropriate specific advice for your particular circumstances. Ben Law is a former financial advisor but is no longer licensed and cannot and will not give you specific or personal advice in this article. The Financial Bloke Group Pty Ltd accepts no responsibility for any loss or damage occasioned by any person acting or refraining from action as a result of reliance on the information in this article.